I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
