He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
