Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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