if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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