she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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