I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
