I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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