good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize