I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
