I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
