nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
