Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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