he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize