Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
