if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
