This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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