you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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