I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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