whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
