I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
