I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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