just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
