We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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