One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
