I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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