I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
