My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
