just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
