No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
