i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just want to make out with him forever
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
