ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
