remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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