Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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