too bad you live with your parents still
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
