I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
