watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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