She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
