i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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