is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
