roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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