It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
and you fell through a lawn chair
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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