Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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