I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This is my gift to your gina
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
