This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
