one might say we're banned from that church
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
