Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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