I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
