he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
