yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
