then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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