You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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