I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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