Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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