The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
