Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
