Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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