At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
