I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
