i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize