you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
