i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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