no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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