I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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