I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
