I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
