I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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