I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
