That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
