Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
