Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The air taste purple.
Randomize