i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
