He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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