Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize